Week 3 — the newness has worn off

I could never work in place like this for over 6 months. I would simply die from boredom. Or my giant ass would consume the rest of my body and I wouldn’t be able to get out of my cubicle to go home so I would eventually die right there in my cube, attached to my spinny chair. I know graphic designers work with computers — I’m not dumb I swear — I knew that going in to the major. I just thought there would be more human interaction or there would be an occasional reason to leave the cube to go run a paper from the printer to the filing cabinet or something. I’m much like my dad— I will never truly be happy until I’m running the whole business. I have that entrepreneurial spirit that can be masked but it will never really go away.  I honestly don’t know that I am equipped to run my own business, especially in graphic design. I don’t know that I am smart or savvy enough, and I am definitely not cutting edge enough. I also have a real problem with letting things roll off my back and giving in to other people. But, I know what I want in a business and I am not truly happy unless its my ideal business. Anyway, that was kind of a tangent. I don’t want to have a lot of money. I don’t even want to be the “top dog design firm”. I just want to design what I want to design and not settle for mediocre.

            I’m miserable right now. I enjoy the challenge of every catalog spread that I get and that’s what keeps me going but there is a limited creative process behind it. There is no time to do research, sketch, brainstorm, use elaborate photoshop techniques, or scan in personal illustrations. We look at the featured book, find a correlating image, try to make it flow as best as possible and move on. I have spent hours fighting with spreads trying to make them say something that they aren’t capable of saying. They aren’t deep editorial pieces. They aren’t thought provoking and they aren’t an expression of anyone’s emotion. They are there to sell a book. Period. I’m just now starting to wrap my mind around that and I guess that’s why I’m just now starting to have the fire for this internship sucked right out of me. I’ll remain positive of course. Every minute I practice on the computer is a minute well spent and any time I can observe one of the other designers or a pre-press person or even one of the in-house photographers will help. I just expected a miracle that would change me into some awesome designer and instead I got a smack in the face from a smelly, gray, stuffy cube that is on the fast track to nowhere special.